is the grass any bluer...

is the grass any bluer...
on the other side?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Turkey By A Neck

Tom Bragg, Me and Betty Cecil ( we are joined at the hip :)
I've bought the Butterball turkey, and it's thawing.  So am I, in fact.  I am thawing out my cold heart and realizing that it's time to warm up to a few things.  First of all, I'm making a promise to myself to fully be aware of the fact that the Holidays are never, ever going to be like they were when I was a child.  Dad is gone, Mom is gone, and accordingly, there will be nobody throwing popcorn on my roof and pretending the reindeer are landing.  Karen and I will not be singing Little Drummer Boy and cracking up within the first verse at the church microphone.  No stocking hung by the chimney, with or without care.   My entire family will not be gathered at the table, and I will not stuff myself with candy and stay up all night waiting for Santa.

Indeed, the luxuries I enjoyed as a child will not be present this Christmas, however I've decided that I'm going to embrace what is there: that is an adult Kimmy who appreciates every breath and every step I take day by day.  Also in this existence is a mature Me who isn't sad about what I'm not getting, but sheds tears over those who suffer, who cannot afford to buy presents or even a meal for themselves.  My grown-up self is also grateful for my sisters being reunited after years of separation - that is a blessing I never dreamed would be possible only a year ago.  Additionally, I fa-la-la-la-la-love my choir and the voices that surround me and buttress my faith.  I adore the Love that is forgiveness, and sometimes I have to nudge myself to remember that I can forgive myself as well -- forgive myself for not being perfect, for not having the best job in the world, for not being fully present for my child as I should have been...for making mistakes, for being human.

That's a tough row to hoe, ya know, but I am determined to do it.  This Holiday season won't be spoiled by brats who want to get their own way, who want to control my happiness by not showing up or by not giving me the gift of their love.  The bah humbloggers are not going to chisel away at my confidence until I give up posting here for good - I'm going let the Light shine wherever and whenever I please.  

Oh yeah, and the guys who consider me nothing more than an option in their empty lives are also going on the backburner - why should I save the best of myself for them, anyway?    Yes sir-ee, I am going to cling to all that is good -- like Karen and Kelli and Tom and Betty and Michael -- and try to ignore that which is not so good...whose names I'm very, very tempted to say here, but then again, that wouldn't be in the Spirit of the Season, now would it (Rick)?  

Yes, my lambchops, the Butterball is thawing, and so am I.  This year I'm going to embrace all the wonderful aspects and people in my life.  Everything else is just giblets anyway ... and I can either stew them and use them for gravy, or simply throw them away with the rest of the dust and sin.

Here is the prayer we shared today in worship. I hope you love it, too:

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth.
Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come into God's presence with singing.
Know that the Lord is God.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, drive our fear and doubt away.
It is God that made us, and we are God's;
We are God's people, and the sheep of God's pasture.
Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!
Come, let us worship God!
Anabelle Wright-Gatton & Linda Reeb warm up the KidSing cherubs ;-)

Finally, I will leave you with John Rutter's words to his anthem Look at the World,  which my choir sang today:

Look at the world, everything all around us: look at the world, and marvel every day.
Look at the world: so many joys and wonders, so many miracles along our way.
Praise to Thee, O Lord, for all creation. Give us thankful hearts, that we may see:
all the gifts we share, and every blessing, all things come of Thee.

Look at the earth bringing forth fruit and flower; 
look at the sky, the sunshine and the rain; 
look at the hills, look at the trees and mountains, valley and flowing river, field and plain.  

Think of the Spring, think of the warmth of Summer, bringing the harvest before the Winter's cold. Everything grows, everything has a season, till it is gathered to the Father's fold.

Every good gift, all that we need and cherish comes from the Lord, in token of His love;
We are His hands, stewards of all His bounty; His is the earth, and His the heavens above.

Praise to Thee, O Lord, for all creation. Give us thankful hearts, that we may see:
all the gifts we share, and every blessing, all things come of Thee.

Anabelle Wright-Gatton leads the children's choir, KidSing
Rutter's song ends in a very Disney-like chord, something akin to the last chord of When You Wish Upon A Star.  I love that and so much more about my experience as a slightly tarnished but perfectly redeemed and forgiven child of God.  For some reason, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by Love.  I just have to open the door of my heart to let It in.  

pray for peace, people everywhere,

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