is the grass any bluer...

is the grass any bluer...
on the other side?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Thoughts

The past three months, I have concentrated on learning special music for this occasion. Many musicians around the world prepare for Easter this way -- it is a tradition.  Tradition is not to be taken lightly.

Yes.  Easter is a 'pagan' holiday.  Yes. Easter is a 'man-made' holiday.  No, Easter is not necessarily the day Jesus rose from the dead, but it is an important date the holy calendars of many who follow Jesus of Nazareth.  Every year we mark the observance of his death and resurrection.  We begin anew...

As a child, I got a new dress, new shoes, purse, gloves and hat when Easter neared. It was springtime, a time of hope, of growth, of realizing that out of the sin and dust of my life, I am a redeemed and forgiven child of God. Sure, there was candy to be had, but mostly, I remember feeling as if I were born anew.  It was a kinder, gentler time, though, and there was not the need to be noticed in such a vastly public way...the information age was not upon us in America in the 50s and 60s, I suppose.  

So why do people want to snark at Easter?  Are they afraid of chocolate bunnies or are they afraid that they must truly face their life decisions in their belief system?  Why does my friend who quotes Thoreau, often speaks of his love for trees, for nature, for the good in people, why does this fellow think it's okay to trivialize Easter Sunday? Why is he posting mocking questions, provoking arguments, disturbing the peace on this, God's day.  What does he have to gain from it?

Gosh, I don't know.  I think he has issues that go back to childhood that make him unable to make a commitment.  He may speak of being committed to certain ideas and beliefs, but truthfully, he talks a lot -- publicly -- and often speaks about testosterone and if female guests on his show are "hot" or's disgusting. Is that why a person goes into music, to find someone "hot?"  Is that why a person organizes community efforts to promote music -- is it because he may appear to be "hot" himself?  Ack.

Questions raise doubts...and from our doubts can come believing.  In our darkness, there is light.  Let there be light and let it shine on my misguided self-centered friend...let it shine on me so I won't be so hurt by his callous ways of choosing sacred holidays to attack my beliefs.  Let it shine.

I haven't blogged a lot lately, due to my health issues (heart problems, not awfully serious but pretty serious).  I have lost my will to write as often, and my daily thoughts do not seem important enough to share, they seem foolish, so I have stayed quiet to a large degree.  Also I have recently lost my brother who was 54, only a month ago, so it is still a fresh wound, and it has not begun to heal quite yet.  Though we were not close in the past few decades, I will never forget Easter mornings with Marshall. I remember helping him find eggs, get his suit on, find his socks and shoes.  I recall him at the other end of the see-saw, pushing his swing, helping him down from the dangerous heights he climbed.  I want to remember that brother; I cling to that sort of memory -- of holidays and traditions from my family's celebration of holidays. However, no matter how much I cling to those remembrances, the tears still fall, the cheeks burn, the eyes water, the stomach turns.  I miss my family, I miss my childhood, I miss the happy days when I didn't have to contemplate life and death, when I simply had to try my best to be my best, and that was good enough.

So back to the upheaval of my spirit today.  I love holidays; but every now and then a holiday hater will come along and put the devil in the deviled eggs.  They don't practice Easter, they think it's funny to mock the Cross and all it represents.  They tempt me to turn away from my observance and become angry and bitter, and that is not what Easter is all about, is it?

Christ knows how it feels to be mocked, though.  Christ has been wounded by people just like us, by those who think imperfect thoughts and commit acts of hatred, whether it is by "just a thoughtful discussion" or by passive-aggressive words, or even a full-blown well-waged war on those who follow Jesus of Nazareth.

Jesus knows how it feels to be spat upon, He knows how we feel...and I know He will heal my pain and suffering over betrayal by this friend on such a holy day.  He is, after all, the wounded Savior.  However, He's a big Guy and can take of Himself.  

I know this blog is making no sense.  I am kind of flabbergasted at this moment because of harsh remarks made on facebook and twitter about the wearing of the cross -- crude remarks that are not befitting for anyone of any intelligence to utter on such a holy day.  It has seeped its ugliness into my joy, as I have prepared for weeks to sing for Christ, who died for our sins.  Preparations for the coming of Christ are not trivial, the cross is not trivial, those who believe in wearing the cross are not wrong.    I sang with my choir last week, a heart-wrenching rendition of Mozart's Requiem, a work that must be prepared for months before it can properly be performed.  This week, I sang with my choir for the Maundy Thursday service, the night we observe as the night of the Last Supper. 

 I also sang with my choir today, this morning -- we sang both early and late services -- and now I am home, where I would like to keep sweet thoughts of resurrection and new hope for everyone.  I would like to continue to be buoyed by my faith...and I think that's just what I am going to do.  I hope you do as well.  Go in peace.

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