Chides of March (Happy Birthday, Tom Bragg!)

My friend, Tom Bragg, is having his birthday partay today in the form of a pub crawl all across Lexington - from the Grey Goose to the Pink Panther.  

He knows his friends will show up for him, because Tom is a special sort of friend.  What do I mean by that? Here you go:

If your boyfriend kicks you out on the street with nothing but a broken cell phone and a used crack pipe, Tom will help you move and his Mom will give you new dishes and linens to start your life over.

If your car goes into a coma, Tom will help you get to important engagements - for example, he will take you to a biker bar in Richmond just so you can hear your favorite blues guitarist.

If you haven't seen your family or friends from back home in a long time, Tom will ensure that you visit each and every one of them before any more time goes by.

If you are not sure what to wear, Tom will tell you whether or not that pair of jeans makes you look Jackie Gleason or Jackie O.  

He'll also do your makeup for you and make you look ten years happier.

If you are having a crappy day, Tom will put you in a better mood when he suggests:

a) you get a grill installed ... on your teeth; 

b) you get your head shaved, or at least try a faux-hawk; or 

c) give him permission to sing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" at your memorial service.  

I hope everyone  has a friend like Tom Bragg.  Now, I gotta go get my cougar on...

Happy Birthday, Muffin!