by Kim Thomas
When I first learned of Stephen Ministry (about ten years ago), it was a comforting moment in my spiritual journey. I realized that even though our ministers at Central Christian were caring, responsive, devoted and empathetic, the need for a spiritual presence was an intensive time-sensitive need. With a large or small congregation, there are simply not enough hours in the day for regular weekly one-hour visits, one-on-one, to all those who are ill or going through a difficult time. Stephen Ministry, I had heard, was a ministry of lay people (Care Givers) who were committed to having a relationship with a care receiver. Stephen Ministers are trained and know how to listen, how to pray, and how to care.
Of course, I considered the fact that although I would never need such a relationship, it was a great idea, this Stephen Ministry. I had, after all, for many years taken communion to and visited hospitalized or homebound members of our congregation. Who, me, need a Stephen Minister? No way, because I was on a spiritual roll! I came to church and received all the love and hugs and concern anyone could ever want from a church. Yep, I was one lucky gal…
Then came a personal storm, a traumatic breakup, and the rollercoaster of emotions that followed was something I grappled with that lasted for weeks, which soon became months. I waited for the commotion and confusion to go away, but it simply did not. I sang, I attended worship, and I sang a little more, but despite my most determined efforts to survive this trauma, I found myself feeling hopeless, desperate for the peace and calm I once enjoyed to return to my life. I cried, I tried, and at times I felt like I had died..
However, I soon realized that if I simply asked for help, the help would be there for me, in the form of my Stephen Minister.
Something I soon came to appreciate was the importance of boundaries. There are very few – if any -- relationships in our lives where the parameters are set from the get-go. We rarely meet someone – a friend, a love, a future spouse, a boss, a co-worker – and agree on the guidelines to a meaningful relationship from the first meeting on. It is also rare that we know that once the relationship is no longer a necessity, that the relationship would be closed and we would go our separate ways, remaining friends forever. The Stephen Ministry program's structure provides that once a care receiver returns to a semblance of stability and emotional health, and/or physical health in some cases, the caregiver-receiver relationship ends, and life goes on accordingly. My past experience, in fact, had been that ending a relationship with someone usually is very painful, so I often would stay in the storm rather than find a port in the storm.
My port in the storm, I found, was my caregiver, Carol Pearcy, my Stephen Minister, who patiently listened to my tales of heartache. Carol never made me think that my feelings were not valid or trivial, rather, she was an active listener, always reflecting back to me how she understood my feelings to be. If her interpretation was, in my eyes, not necessarily correct, I realized that indeed, I was verbalizing my situation in a way that would cause this good friend to think otherwise. So the back-and-forth conversations I had with my Stephen Minis
ter helped me slowly but surely gain insight to flaws in my way of thinking. By her spiritual, kind and reliable presence, Carol prepared the path for me to find my way and get back on the happy and healthy trail of spiritual journey.
Week after week, we met faithfully. We laughed, we cried, we prayed (I found that sharing the prayer helped me quite a bit, so we would split the prayer; I would begin, she would finish, or vice versa) we shared meals, we journeyed through my pain together, and eventually, I did make it through to the other side of the pain. Although at times I felt as if I never would make it, my Stephen Minister never gave up on me. She also never made me feel uncomfortable asking for help. She never judged me, either, and was always just a phone call away should I need to speak to her before our week was up and it was time for our next 'official' face-to-face visit.
Patience, understanding, empathy, and loving kindness. As a former care receiver, I can identify these as qualities that all Stephen Ministers demonstrate through their care for their receiver. These traits are certainly not something to shy away from, but ones we should seek out and embrace because they are the marks of what I believe God wants us to be as Christians and followers of Jesus. After all, Jesus had pain, He suffered, He was misunderstood, He was betrayed. He felt what we are feeling. When we cry, He cries, but He can't wipe away our tears if we won't let Him. His wounds cause us to know that He understands and His victory tells us that He will strengthen us through His love.
With Stephen Ministry at my church, Central Christian celebrating its 20th year, I am so very grateful for all who serve, but also, I want to thank all who ask to be served. Sometimes it’s easier to help someone else rather than help ourselves. If you or someone you know are going through a life transition, such as illness, divorce, job loss, death, or any other type of change that is difficult, you can find help through the Stephen Ministry program. All you have to do call the church office (and if your church does not have a Stephen Ministry program, leave me a message here and I will find one for you) and ask. It’s confidential. It’s consistent. It’s Christian!
pray for peace,
KT
When I first learned of Stephen Ministry (about ten years ago), it was a comforting moment in my spiritual journey. I realized that even though our ministers at Central Christian were caring, responsive, devoted and empathetic, the need for a spiritual presence was an intensive time-sensitive need. With a large or small congregation, there are simply not enough hours in the day for regular weekly one-hour visits, one-on-one, to all those who are ill or going through a difficult time. Stephen Ministry, I had heard, was a ministry of lay people (Care Givers) who were committed to having a relationship with a care receiver. Stephen Ministers are trained and know how to listen, how to pray, and how to care.
Of course, I considered the fact that although I would never need such a relationship, it was a great idea, this Stephen Ministry. I had, after all, for many years taken communion to and visited hospitalized or homebound members of our congregation. Who, me, need a Stephen Minister? No way, because I was on a spiritual roll! I came to church and received all the love and hugs and concern anyone could ever want from a church. Yep, I was one lucky gal…
Then came a personal storm, a traumatic breakup, and the rollercoaster of emotions that followed was something I grappled with that lasted for weeks, which soon became months. I waited for the commotion and confusion to go away, but it simply did not. I sang, I attended worship, and I sang a little more, but despite my most determined efforts to survive this trauma, I found myself feeling hopeless, desperate for the peace and calm I once enjoyed to return to my life. I cried, I tried, and at times I felt like I had died..
However, I soon realized that if I simply asked for help, the help would be there for me, in the form of my Stephen Minister.
Something I soon came to appreciate was the importance of boundaries. There are very few – if any -- relationships in our lives where the parameters are set from the get-go. We rarely meet someone – a friend, a love, a future spouse, a boss, a co-worker – and agree on the guidelines to a meaningful relationship from the first meeting on. It is also rare that we know that once the relationship is no longer a necessity, that the relationship would be closed and we would go our separate ways, remaining friends forever. The Stephen Ministry program's structure provides that once a care receiver returns to a semblance of stability and emotional health, and/or physical health in some cases, the caregiver-receiver relationship ends, and life goes on accordingly. My past experience, in fact, had been that ending a relationship with someone usually is very painful, so I often would stay in the storm rather than find a port in the storm.
My port in the storm, I found, was my caregiver, Carol Pearcy, my Stephen Minister, who patiently listened to my tales of heartache. Carol never made me think that my feelings were not valid or trivial, rather, she was an active listener, always reflecting back to me how she understood my feelings to be. If her interpretation was, in my eyes, not necessarily correct, I realized that indeed, I was verbalizing my situation in a way that would cause this good friend to think otherwise. So the back-and-forth conversations I had with my Stephen Minis
ter helped me slowly but surely gain insight to flaws in my way of thinking. By her spiritual, kind and reliable presence, Carol prepared the path for me to find my way and get back on the happy and healthy trail of spiritual journey.Week after week, we met faithfully. We laughed, we cried, we prayed (I found that sharing the prayer helped me quite a bit, so we would split the prayer; I would begin, she would finish, or vice versa) we shared meals, we journeyed through my pain together, and eventually, I did make it through to the other side of the pain. Although at times I felt as if I never would make it, my Stephen Minister never gave up on me. She also never made me feel uncomfortable asking for help. She never judged me, either, and was always just a phone call away should I need to speak to her before our week was up and it was time for our next 'official' face-to-face visit.
Patience, understanding, empathy, and loving kindness. As a former care receiver, I can identify these as qualities that all Stephen Ministers demonstrate through their care for their receiver. These traits are certainly not something to shy away from, but ones we should seek out and embrace because they are the marks of what I believe God wants us to be as Christians and followers of Jesus. After all, Jesus had pain, He suffered, He was misunderstood, He was betrayed. He felt what we are feeling. When we cry, He cries, but He can't wipe away our tears if we won't let Him. His wounds cause us to know that He understands and His victory tells us that He will strengthen us through His love.
With Stephen Ministry at my church, Central Christian celebrating its 20th year, I am so very grateful for all who serve, but also, I want to thank all who ask to be served. Sometimes it’s easier to help someone else rather than help ourselves. If you or someone you know are going through a life transition, such as illness, divorce, job loss, death, or any other type of change that is difficult, you can find help through the Stephen Ministry program. All you have to do call the church office (and if your church does not have a Stephen Ministry program, leave me a message here and I will find one for you) and ask. It’s confidential. It’s consistent. It’s Christian!
pray for peace,
KT
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